why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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