A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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