yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
