How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
