chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
