Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
