part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
