I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
