im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
