Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
