I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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