You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
