im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
