the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
