Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize