so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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