With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
this will be a night to untag.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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