Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
