8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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