How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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