Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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