I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My ass is underappreciated
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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