Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
