So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
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Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
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You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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