I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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