Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
