All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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