Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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