Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Shame - the story of my life.
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