Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
