I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
