Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
