I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Acid is not a monday night drug
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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