I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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