I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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