It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
