and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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