The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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