Dude my mom stole all your condoms
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
