I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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