I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
