He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
