Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
