Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
