Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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