Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
