so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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