So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
