Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
