is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
