Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
