shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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