You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
