I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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