So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize