OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
