Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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