The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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