yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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