Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
