McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
