Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
